Warung Bebas

Sunday, September 18, 2011


Ok well im just going to go try some more reasons on why I do things and other useless crap tha pitys me.ok well alot of people say I cry alot. Well last week I only cried five times.once because we were watching my favorite cartoon ever in a car and it was a single tear.the second was because my mom got up in my face telling me how I disgust her and how im not worth anything and that ill never make it to the new system. And the only reason I don't kill myself is because I want every chance in the world to try and make it in the new system I have been told all my life that I was never going to make it there its not a privilege anymore its a goal and a challenge.there is sometimes that I just want to kill myself but I know I can't because I have a family t take care and even tho they get onto me and yells at me I stil need to take care of them. The third was because megan cheered me up when I was in such a low state and the fourth was again the same reason.the fifth was because Idk y. All I know was I sitting on my bed and my eyes just started I wasn't sobbing or anything I just did Idk it wasn't weird its happened before.well ok im not going explain y I cried when my got on to me cause any one who had a lick of common sense can figure out. But the reason y I cried when I watched that cartoon episode is cause it takes me back to just for a short 7 mintues in my childhood wasn't ruined. Now I still may be a child age wise or physically but ever since ty was born I have been having to play father cause well my "dad" is always at work and then comes home to watch tv and go to bed while yelling at someone all the while. But he has gotten better tho with ty and erica tho. I mean the things they get away with if I so much thought about at there age or now for that matter I wouldn't be able to sit down for weeks they'd whip my butt so hard. The reason I cried megan cheered me up is that whether shes my friend or not she cheered me up and I have never had any one there to do that for me thru my life span. And the reason I shed a single tear over the mod simplest and littlest things like say a song is cause I haven't ever been able to enjoy it or anything else and even tho I may have heard that song many a times just that one time whether im with my best friend or in my room bored im hearing that song for the first time as beauty. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me cause then ill feel bad. The reason I write all my problems is cause well I never get to really talk about these things and I guess it just feels good to get it out. And this blog truly is a blessing y? Because my mom doesn't read it and I can say what I truly feel. Now I only talk to very few people about these things is cause they either ask or because I need them but there are certain people like lauren Eckel and other people who I will never discuss because well I like them so much I think they deserve the best parts of me. Ok well I told u not to read this but if you did ...thank u and I send u my love</p>
<p>P.s. feedback would be nice</p>

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