Well lately life has been treating me like..... well more like beating me.there have been times where I've wondered if god really even exists anymore and times where god is the only thing I got. My mom just had surgerey for something she ddnt even need. And so I have been haveing to take care of my brother and sisters from now on in. You might ask where my dad is..weeelllllllll my birthfather is in jail. And the so called "dad" that married my mom when I was two could give a shit less about me really I mean the last time we said more than a few words to each other was when I went to a game and went and sat with my friends and realized halfway thru the game my "dad" was sitting behind me and I said hay....that was over a month ago. He screams and yells at me and if I do good he'll throw me up against a wall and cuss at me. And my mom well she does the same except throwing me up against a wall. And I have told people my plans about how when im 18 im moving out. Sine people ask y I just dont stay there a little longer. Well its not because I want out which I do but because that's when im getting kicked out. And along with that my mom might die. And to make matters worse I have gotten mad and have a real quick temper lately and mood changes. One minute ill be cussing one of my best freinds whom I love (kit kat) and the next im crying asking for forgiveness and advice in wht to do. And another person who we really aren't friends or not atleast yet in my mind. But anyway we have been talking more than I ever remember and we have fought twice already (meggellys). I haven't told certain people these things because one I don't thing they deserve to be wrapped up in my crap (lauren...no one really should have ever gotten wrapped up in it) or because I jus don't know u and ur not my friend and we just talk or hang out some (lorna) either way im sorry for everything I've done to my friends..the only safe place I have any more is my room. And I haven't been to a meeting in about two months. I use to never miss one. But then I called everyone to get a ride. I thought I had some friends over here. Apparently not, I mean I had a meeting with the elders and they didn't even ask about where I've been. I haven't gotten one single phone call or nothing I mean I live right next to an elder for gods sake! Where is this "brotherly love" at? So as far as im concerned my life will be fine when im 18 and out of this lyeing inbreed state.