How can i really say this? I finished a 447 page book in a total of 10 hours....thats Idk tbh ive got alot on my mind idk who reads these posts i know fan girls and guys read the ones on my music posts but what abt these? Idk ive been doing really good in my life right now. And well idk ok look here it is im really emotional right now idk what im feeling it ranges from joy to flirty to sad to depressed amd scared. I mean ive done so much wrong and as of tonight ya know i thought i had moved past it but theres still things i need to face. And i suppose i should do it head on face to face.....actually i got really nervous tonight and wanted to back out. But idk i thought of david and samson. david committed so much wrong and yet he didnt run from his consequences. No he faced them. And i didnt it took me awhile to do tht. But david he knew he couldve died when he went up against goliath (yes im bringing up the oldest tale told way to much) no he had faith in jah so thats what im gonna do. And samson when he told his secret that cost him his strength and he killed all those pagans and fell with them. He was happy to do it for jah and he didnt want to live or want a reward. So basically when this newest obstacle comes up where i have to sit down and talk abt the past and maybe fix things im going to do it head on. Pray to jah for strength. And ask for patience not for the situation nut myself so i can stay calm and get thru it its going to be hard for me but im going to do it and whether it ends badly which i pray for the opposite ill still be there no matter what like i always said. But this book ive been reading the series always has my emotions running with the book but near the end while i was faceing my past i couldnt fall into the book. I had.so many other emotions going on. Joy pure joy and then heart stoping fear i hatr my past i hatr myself for the things i did. I chose the wrong things i started relationships tht should have remained at friends and some remained as nothing. But no im an idiot. But its all positive haah i jave to keep tellong myself tht cause it gets me thru mom haveing surgery tomorrow. Shel'l be fine and if she dies she'll be in the new system. Haha all positive. But my next post will be abt brother schotts talk tonight he gave. It was titled "clothe yourselfs with love". Twas a wonderful talk. Anyway im kinda wanna cry haha but ive learned to not hide.my good emotions sadness shouldnt be held in around those u love unless its to be the father or older brother who has to be the father type to the younger brother cause their dad is an erragant bi-polar jerk. But thats life. And all we can do is go with it it never gets easier we learned to either one adapt or two give up. So id like to rant on something specific here tht has to do with me.dealing with my past.....we all fear rejection those who dont have given up. Now whether it be rejection from u opening up and saying i lile u and her saying no or to u asking for a privilege and not qualifing. We all fear it. But it comes regardless and i fear it but i welcome it if its what is meant to be . And thats it im sorry i needed to get tht out
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