Update or just my problems ;)

K. Well this will be the first post I have written tht is actually not a poem or in tht style.....But then again I am Very happy. I'm happy because someone loves me, and my darkness has subcided......for now. But other than that i have been trying to read but it seems I have to much on my hands to do it. I'm always working or playing guitar or fixing my truck or working out. At least I don't listen to books.

This is me at benching 160 now!!!!! And the thing is im benching more than anyone my age right now and I AM A VEGAN!!!!!!! hahaha..... You wanna challenge me? come on i dare you. But anyway last time i measured my biceps they were 15 inches around but that was a while ago. This is a pic of me four days ago i took I dont know why I took it still dont know why haahahaha...I'm also training for the warrior race next year.Its a 5k race thru mud and wire awesome right? Well my bestest family friends told me about it and by the time I tried to sign up it was too late. But all I want to do is beat them..ANd all I do is win..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGXzlRoNtHU  ........Click this link and you'll know what song NOT to play while I'm in a compitition cause I'll go NUTZZZ!!!! Litterally this year during football season I earned one of my nicknames CG (concussion giver) cause this song came on during a game i was like coach " I want it coach I want it I want it I want IT BADDDD AAAHHHHH!!!!" ..."K tucker go run 49 toss sweep"...Well I ran it for a Touchdown but knocked some kid bout my size off his block  tht tried to tackle me hahaha dont mess with me and football! hahaha ............But anyway it feels good to be in love.

Shadows

Whats the use in living if-

-nothing makes you happy

-theres nothing to live for?

I dont care for the paradise anymore

all i want is to serve JAH now.

But nothing nothing!

ever makes me rejoice anymore

my dark shadows are falling out of control

whats the use in asking-

-when no one wants or never even answers

-or the answers you hear are far from whats right?

Theres no use in the paradise for me

i fall deep into shadows

This Pit Of Mine

Falling

Falling deep into this pit of darkness

Of which some how my subconcieous has created

As I scratch, scream, tear, howl, and pull

This moon remains a full

Every thing I have grown

Has turned into a weedy throne

Everything I have seeked to love

I have destroyed

I mean for it not end this way

but these wounds are within my heart

I find some way to dig these wounds within my heart

and my mental wounds

deeper

deeper I fall

No matter how loud I scream

It seems as if help cannot be retrieved

But then again the help I have received

I have pushed away......

For when will be the day

That my time shall end?

""Your time will come""

(I put to qoutasionns because a freind told me this and its from a maiden song)

THIS DARKNESS WITHIN ME SEEMS TO NEVER FADE.....FOR WHOM SHALL CHOOSE TO HELP A HELPLESS BOY?

Darkness Within

"As I walk through the valley of death I fear no evil"

And all I want to be is a hero

but alas I can not

for I feel this dark part of me

it moans

it grows

and roars

from with in me

saying I want out!

It came from the deepest most part of me

Never knew this monster was here

and when i look at my self in the mirror I feel disgust

I also feel the fear

The feeling as if i try to change that I will be torn in two

by this monster that I have created

from what i dont know you tell me

for I have no clue or control of these feelings I feel anymore

the darkness seeks from my pores as I sweat

it weeps from my eyes as I cry

and it leaks from my bones within.

Knowing

AM I INSANE?

"I beacame insane, with long intervals of horrible moments of sanity"-Edgar Allan Poe

Thinking upon thy's past

 And looking upon thy's present

And the kind of person for i am today

I have seen that for i have changed in such a many a way

That once upon that old past

I couldn't have even begin to have comprehend these ways i would have changed

which makes thyself HAST!

to think

is these changes

ohhh these changes

been for ones good or worst?

For thyself shall never knoweth

But thy true

Jehovah

He, he shall always, always knoweth

my past

my present

and my future

But i do not knoweth....for now

So

until i knoweth wether or not

it is for good or worst

I shall Set on my way

upon

my path

my path

of hopefully righteousness

that lay in front of ones self

"Help Me In My Weakness" -Jimi Hendrix

What do you do when it seems like everything you do seems like its never good enough for anyone else?What am I a soldier? Cause all i hear sometimes is ridicule,commands or lecturres. How do you know what your feeling is real when you think and others tell you your emotions are mixed up?What do you do when everything, everything you have is gone? move along? What do you do whenall your freindships seem either broken or twisted or dented/ what do you do when no matter how hard you try, it seems like your treading water upstream, and everyone else is progressing but you? What do you do when one of your most beloved freinds dies? What do you do when another freind gets the same disease as thge first freind that has already died?

What Do You Do?What Do You Do?

What Should I Do?

What should I do when I get so depressed for no reason, that when it rains, that just thinking about going out in the thunderstorm and just standing there makes me somewhat happy?What do I do when I listen to music and hear nothing? What do I do when nothing else satisfies?What do I do when there days, yes DAYS that whereI'll just break down and cry for no reason at all? What do I do when i write but nothing is written? What do I do when I try to run away from my problems but the problems remain? HAHA....What do I do when it seems like all my oldest friends are dieng too quick and too young?

What Should I Do?What Should I Do?

What Will YOU Do?

"Manic Depression"-Jimi Hendrix

The Ultimate Question

 What first got me started on this post was a little movie called 'The hitch hikers guide to the galaxy'. So i didnt like the ending to it. ithought tht the ultimate question in the movie was lame. i always thought tht the ultimate question was " what is our purpose like whats my own individual purpose". Well i got to thinking and i thought and thought and thought until i had a brain tumor and died......................................No i eventually came up with "why".Ask me anything go ahead and ill answer woith one word...WHY?.....But as i think more about the question thing i ask myself isnt the question "whats the ultimate question?" the ultimate question?And then i thought again  and again then i realized what the movie answer really meant....it means tht every one has there own individual question and most of the time like in the movie it has something to do with love....................Please feel free to comment